The Concuspidor:

Well, Cog took that very well. I thought he would be more awed than that, as it is such a very clever plan. And I have given him the lion's share of the potential heroics. I know how dull his little life must sometimes seem, always in the shadow of my exciting and much admired lifestyle, it's rather sweet of me to try to liven it up a bit for him. Unless he messes it up of course. If everyone could be relied upon to keep their cool during moments of tension, like I always do, I could have more confidence with henchmen from the peasantry...

uh... a d-d-d-d-d... a dr-dr-dr-... a dra-dra-dra-dra... [etc.]